5 Little Pieces: Black Men

"Black men are an endangered species." No doubt, you've heard or read that phrase before. Let me tell you right off, I hate that fuckin phrase. It makes us sound like savages. Like animals. It's a stereotype that just won't die. It's up to us, black men, to kill it. Unfortunately, killing an idea is impossible, so we have to do the next best thing, and that's to change it. Change the perception of us. Change it by: 

1. Knowing what a Man is...

 “The difference between men and boys are the lessons they learn.” Look at the men in your life. Your barber. Your pastor. Your uncles. Brother. Father. Your friends. What makes them men? Not males, but men. I'm willing to bet that with every guy you consider to be a man, you respect them. Respect is what makes a man, respect for oneself, your family, and women. I understand that we live in modern times, with modern women, and that not every woman is a good woman, but the point still stands. 

2. Being a gentleman. 

I believe the word "gentleman" has gotten a bum rap in today's society. It's gone from a dignified status, to something seen as "soft". A gentleman carries himself the right way. A gentleman can keep his cool in hot-tempered situations, understands humility and never boasts, and shows his respect by not being the one to badmouth or undermine others. Try putting those characteristics to work, and see if things don't improve on some level for you. 

3. Don't treat women as objects 

Look, I like a nice ass just as much as the next guy, but to try and bed every woman you meet is asinine, and impossible. With the rate of STD's in the black community, and HIV running rampant, it's imperative that we exercise some self control. We also have to stop selling these women dreams just to sleep with them, because believe it or not, on some level they believe us. They want you to be that great guy you portray yourself as, and when it turns out you were full of shit, it just reinforces the idea that we ain't shit. Yeah, she gave it up to you, but she gave it up thinking you were someone you weren't. And one more thing; just because she slept with you doesn't make her any less of a woman, so don't treat her that way. Respect for ladies should not just stop at your mother and sisters, but treating them all with the respect and dignity they deserve. 

4. Leave the street shit in the street.

 We're all grown here, so imma give it to you raw. No real woman wants to be seen with a guy that has his ass hanging out of his pants. You gotta know when to grow up. I don't wanna hear about you're from the hood and that's how it goes in the hood. Fuck the dumb shit, I'm from hood too, and it's still stupid. Learn how to tie a tie. Have some button down shirts in your wardrobe. Some slacks. A couple pair of leather dress shoes. A blazer. I'm not saying throw your baggy tees and jeans in the trash. I'm saying don't limit yourself to just that. Expand a little bit. And the slang? Know when it is and isn't appropriate. Just that simple. Nobody likes to be judged, but trust me, we're all being judged, all the time, so act accordingly. * 

5. Handle your responsibilities.

A man faces his problems and deals with issues straightforward, that's why it is referred to as “to man up.” No one is perfect, and I can admit where I have stumbled and in some cases fallen. But as long as you continue to move forward, that's what in the end really makes you a man. If you're one of the ones that has a job, be the best you can be at it. Go to work everyday. Kill that perception of "the lazy black man". You have a responsibility to those that came before you to not make things worse than they left it, and to those that are coming up after you, to make things better for them. A big burden to carry, no doubt. But as man, a Black man, big burdens are nothing new. If you have children, be a dad. If you're not in the same household with them, then the onus is on you to be there for that child. The kid didn't choose that path, the parents did. So you, as a man, have to step up and be a father. Doctor visits. School Meetings. Zoo trips, playing at the park, homework, discipline, the whole 9. If you're not doing it, you can't get mad when someone else starts doing it. And get something to leave your kids. Real estate, investments, money, just have something to leave your family when you go. Start a legacy. Show your sons what it is to be a man. Show your daughter what a man looks like, so when the time comes, she knows what to look for.

*seriously though, pull up your damn pants.